Find the right teacher, and your spiritual growth can be greatly enhanced. But how do you go about it—and are you ready for such a relationship?
by Lorie Parch
copyright: Gale Group
You’ve heard about “the path.” It’s the one we use to navigate through life’s distracting struggles, the road we take toward enlightenment (whatever that means to us). We understand that the path is unique to each of us and that we are able to use a variety of means–reading, meditation, community service, prayer, retreats–to make our way along it. Yet at some point, we may wonder whether it’s time to find a seasoned guide, and to develop a one-on-one relationship with someone who can help expedite our progress.
“Many people ask about finding a teacher,” says Sharon Salzberg, co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Mass., and author of Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience. So how do we find someone to spur us on to greater self-awareness, happiness and peace? Is it as simple as the old adage: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”? If so, how do we tell if we’re ready for a kind of relationship that few of us have ever known?
Because the path is individual, there are, necessarily, no rules. But these guidelines will help you understand the process and maybe even identify the teacher who’s right for you.
Evaluate yourself honestly. Make a truthful assessment of what you want from a mentor, and what you expect. Most traditions of faith offer four different ways to connect with the meaningful: spiritual study, contemplation, devotion or service. Consider which of these four most appeals to you, and find a teacher who emphasizes your chosen path.
Be realistic, too, about the commitment you’re willing to make to this part of your life. “Ask yourself what such a relationship will require of you,” says Sylvia Boorstein, author of Pay Attention for Goodness’ Sake, and a co-founding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, Calif.
According to Boorstein, Westerners often feel uncomfortable in the formal student-teacher relationship common to many traditions of spiritual learning. It may be that a simpler, less formal relationship with a teacher makes more sense for you, or that you can find significant inspiration from fellow travelers–your spiritual buddies–along the path.
“It’s always valuable to have mentors and companions on the spiritual trip,” says Boorstein.
Socialize purposefully. Spending time with others who are also on a spiritual journey–whether attending discussion groups, joining an organized religion, or going on a weekend retreat–can help you find like-minded friends and, in turn, suggestions for good teachers. “The Buddha said to surround yourself with the people who want to talk about the things you do,” says Boorstein. “It’s such a comfort to be with people who are cultivating a sweet heart; they lift you up.”
Seek wisely. There’s no shortage of false mentors out there, those who profess to offer the road to enlightenment or happiness but in truth are motivated by money or power. So caution is needed.
The best way to avoid charlatans, says Mariana Caplan, Ph.D., author of Do You Need a Guru? Understanding the Student-Teacher Relationship in an Era of False Prophets, is to take a slow and studied approach. Caplan suggests asking people you admire for their recommendations, then doing the legwork. “When you visit teachers, pay attention to how you feel when you’re there, and observe students who are close to them,” she says.
In her own search, she asked prospective teachers all the questions she wanted to ask and articulated every doubt she had. “You wouldn’t want to throw your mind and soul into just anybody’s hands,” she says. “An authentic guru leads a life of sacrifice to his or her students.”
The last sentiment is echoed by Salzberg. “The best student-teacher relationship is founded on the teacher being there to serve the student,” she says. “It’s not about the glorification of the teacher.”
Look around you. While Americans have great interest in Eastern religions, especially Buddhism and Hinduism, we shouldn’t dismiss Western practices in the bargain, says Tony Hendra, author of the best-selling Father Joe: The Man Who Saved My Soul. “It’s extremely important that the occidental monastic tradition is seen as just as universal and just as rich as the Eastern tradition,” says Hendra, whose book chronicles his 4u-year relationship with a Benedictine monk. “We shouldn’t write off our traditions of monastic guidance and wisdom simply because they’re ours”
Indeed, a recent return to mystical traditions in Christianity, Judaism and Islam is one of the most hopeful changes seen in years, says Andrew Harvey, co-founder of the Global Center for Interfaith Scholarship and Respect at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, N.Y. According to Harvey, who grew up in India and was educated at Oxford, the teacher who had the most profound effect on his own spiritual life was Father Bede Griffiths, a Catholic monk who exuded peace, love, tenderness and acceptance. “He never told me to do anything; he was never authoritarian or directive” recalls Harvey. “He just lived a life that was simple and holy. He had the greatest respect and love for all his pupils; he treated us as a father would his children and wanted us to become our true selves. I’m convinced that this is the real form of teaching because it completely honors and respects the person.”
Trust yourself. Perhaps the most powerful gift you can receive from an ongoing relationship with a spiritual mentor is a measure of encouragement to instill the confidence that you are good, loving and lovable, capable, and making progress (however slow)–as long as it’s accompanied by the occasional nudge to help you achieve more or simply to be kinder to yourself. “A lot of strength comes from a teacher who looks at you and says, ‘You can do it, you can solve your problems,’” says Salzberg.
No matter what name it goes by–guru, teacher, mentor, friend, spiritual buddy–what really matters, it seems, is having someone with you as you travel along the path.
Inquire within.
Self-knowledge is the foundation upon which a useful student-teacher relationship rests, and the beginning to the insights that spawn such a relationship. Before you set off to find a guide, take time to meditate on it.
“My belief is that if you do a meditation practice with sincere motivation, it will show you what you need to know; it will show you the places you’re holding back and where you’re distorting things,” says Sharon Salzberg of the Insight Meditation Society.
Andrew Harvey, co-founder of the Global Center for Interfaith Scholarship and Respect, agrees: “Meditation uncovers the deep union between your inner spirit and the great spirit; you discover your motivations.”
Be true to yourself.
As a student of Buddhism many years ago, Sylvia Boorstein recounts that she was particularly struck by the Buddha’s sermon to the people of Kalama in which he said: Don’t listen to me; don’t listen to anybody; don’t listen to someone who says they’re the authority. You do this by yourself, and if it works for you, good. If not, don’t do it.
“That was a tremendously empowering teaching for me,” says Boorstein, who is an observant Jew. “I didn’t have to worry about giving up my own authority, my own discernment, and I didn’t have to worry about my heart’s commitment to another religious lineage.”
